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Author
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Topic: why so much porn
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jackiemia
Junior Member Posts: 4
From: Lincolnshire, England
Registered: Jul 2003
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posted July 16, 2003 12:02 PM
  
My partner is now 42 years old and yet is absolutely obsessed with porn. He logs onto it every single day and views so much of it. He has been sacked for viewing porn at work before. We have a good sex life and plenty of it, so why am i not enough for him. I have only recently found out as he has hidden the fact so well before and lied a great deal about it. I just do not get why so much so often.
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WANTSTOBEINLOVE
Junior Member Posts: 4
From: Rancho Cordova, CA USA
Registered: Jul 2003
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posted July 16, 2003 08:23 PM
Many men use porn on a regular bases as a means to masterbate. Perhaps you are not having sex as frequently with him as he would like? On-the-other-hand, Viewing Pornography on a regular bases can lead to an addiction. For some, it can control their lives without them knowing it depending on how addicted one is. Look at the whole picture and decide for yourself whether or not you think pornography is destroying your relationshiop. If it is...do something about it.
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jackiemia
Junior Member Posts: 4
From: Lincolnshire, England
Registered: Jul 2003
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posted July 17, 2003 08:56 AM
Thank you for your reply. Strange thing is he tells me i want too much sex! I just wanted a few other opinions before i talk to him about it.
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krazykat
Junior Member Posts: 2
From: california
Registered: Jul 2003
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posted July 23, 2003 02:22 AM
My bf is 40, he likes porn too, so I decided to be a little more open minded, we went to the adult video store and rented some porn movies we picked out together. We watched them , at first I was very much against it, but we actually had the best love making ever... We talked about it, our fantasies, he told me why he liked it, and how guys think. He is totally turned on that I watch with him and it doesnt bother me at all anymore. We have tried some of the stuff we liked, and our relationship is better than ever... If you do something like this, I bet he will stop or decrease watching porn by himself. Your confidence and open minded ness will turn him on....
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bill
Junior Member Posts: 2
From: caldwell idaho usa
Registered: May 2004
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posted May 14, 2004 02:58 PM
as a guy i'm seriously concerned with my addiction to porn. i want my wife to be the only one for me but i've looked at porn for so long that it's second nature when i'm on the internet. please help me with ideas or tips. thankyou
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frosty2003
Moderator Posts: 1899
From: Florida
Registered: Jul 2003
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posted May 16, 2004 12:06 PM
Hello Bill,Pornography has become a major problem in marriages. Addiction can happen very easily just by a glance of an eye and with the internet it is even more accessible than ever before in the privacy of your own home. I am giving you a link that can help but I do suggest you seek counseling immediately maybe even contact a therapist to help you overcome this dilema. http://www.womentodaymagazine.com/relationships/helphusband.html Just like an alcoholic or a drug addict, you must come clean with your problem and admit you have one. You've taken that first step already now why not move on to your next one. Consult a professional doctor in your local area, one that is licensed and is trained in this area of trouble. Don't delay because if you continue eventually your marriage not to mention your wife will suffer greatly. I wish you the best and hope you get help soon. Please keep in touch as to your progress. Feel free to post more of your concerns here. Take care, Frosty
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jackiemia
Junior Member Posts: 4
From: Lincolnshire, England
Registered: Jul 2003
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posted May 17, 2004 05:52 AM
Well done Bill. At least you admit you have a problem and are prepared to do something about it. I would be so pleased if my partner had wanted to do that for me. It really is a horrible feeling being the woman of a man addicted, so its nice you love her enough to not want to put her through it any more. Good luck.
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bill
Junior Member Posts: 2
From: caldwell idaho usa
Registered: May 2004
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posted June 01, 2004 02:17 AM
when i said wife i meant wife to be. i am not married. yet there is a girl who i would like to marry. before i can feel good about it, i need to overcome this addiction. i'd like to see a counselor, but i don't have the money. do you have a web-site with a twelve step program or something i would love to do that.
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Hammer
Junior Member Posts: 1
From: Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Registered: Jun 2004
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posted June 01, 2004 10:00 AM
Bill-You can get free counseling from the mormons. You don't have to join their religion to get free help. It's great. http://www.mormon.org/question/worship/search/1,8873,4106-1-PAGE-2932445-0-1+6,00.html Go to the nearest one someday and talk to their Bishop. He isn't allowed to tell anyone what you tell him by law and is great help. I got off my addiction to beer because of what a Bishop in Toronto here told me to do. Check it out.
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melpearl
Junior Member Posts: 5
From: uk
Registered: Jul 2004
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posted July 18, 2004 08:41 AM
i am in a relationship with a man who uses porn. he makes no secret of it but plays it down. we have discussed it but he always ends up getting angry saying it is normal. i do think its normal but not too the extent that he can only complete sex by acting out these fantasies that he watches. also when we have sex a large part of it is him laying back playing with himself like he is having to think of something to enable him to continue. this makes me ask the same question "why am i not enough". i feel inadequate because i can not compete with these women that are paid to act like they are sex objects with no feelings and this makes me feel self consious of how i perform instead of doing what i feel. i feel like i am creating a show instead of making love. he also acts like he has to perform or i wont be satisfied. he is enough for me so why am i not enough for him. any suggestions[This message has been edited by melpearl (edited July 18, 2004).]
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lovealex
Junior Member Posts: 1
From: UK
Registered: Jul 2004
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posted July 29, 2004 02:56 PM
I've been there. This is what I'd love: No acting , no performing, both of you forgive each other and learn Unconditional Love. Unconditional Love is the biggest turn-on there is.
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melpearl
Junior Member Posts: 5
From: uk
Registered: Jul 2004
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posted August 08, 2004 04:03 PM
So that sounds good for me. I have had loving sex and there is nothing like it. But after endless discussions he cannot/does not want to have loving sex and thinks that love has nothing to do with the act of sex. Act of sex being his words. I have tried to show him over the years but he gets bored and I have to speak about x amount of men that I wish were with me etc. so he can finish. I can't act as its not real and he senses that so our sex life is not good. He lies there thinking about other people having sex with me and I lie there hoping I am sexually attractive enough for him to want sex with me alone I don't understand why he is with me if he has to think of whatever it is to complete sex with me. I do forgive of course but how can I get him to enjoy sex with me
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frosty2003
Moderator Posts: 1899
From: Florida
Registered: Jul 2003
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posted August 08, 2004 09:17 PM
He is with you and to him that is all that matters. If he needs fantasy to satisfy himself then let him be. STOP THINKING YOU ARE GOING TO CHANGE HIM !! Get that through your head lady.A man sometimes can't explain why he feels a certain way. To us it is logical and not emotional. This is why he thinks sex is just an act and you don't need love. As long as he doesn't make his fantasies a reality then you are ok. I am giving you a link that might be able to give you insight on your problem. www.improvingsex.com Take care, Frosty
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melpearl
Junior Member Posts: 5
From: uk
Registered: Jul 2004
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posted August 09, 2004 09:17 AM
I dont want to change him as such, I just need to feel like I am enough but he doesn't give me that and I think he should considering how much I try to do for him. Apart from the fantasies he does want to make it real. We have done sex stuff with other people now and again which is not often enough for him. I have never had full sex with anyone though and this is what his latest idea is. I told him I would do it and the reasons why - So he has a real fantasy to think of and he may find it easier to have sex with me and to please him of course, which I really want to do. He told me yesterday that he will find someone else to do it with, but I think if that is all we are worth then why am I trying if he can give us up for a 1 or 2 nights of group sex.
Thanks for your replies. Its much appreciated to have an outside male's perspective
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frosty2003
Moderator Posts: 1899
From: Florida
Registered: Jul 2003
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posted August 09, 2004 01:47 PM
Then if this is the case, what I don't understand is WHY the hell have you been giving into his demands all along. It is obvious he doesn't love you and is only after his own self gratification. Did you think he would change just b/c you gave him what he wanted? Again you are trying to change him.It is time Mel Pearl that you start considering making a decision regarding this relationship. You don't need a selfish bastard giving you ultimatums if you don't comply with his sexual desires. You have been participating in group sex and allowing him to be with other people then it is no wonder you are not enough for him. When he said you don't need love to have sex, he meant it. Why? Because he simply doesn't love you and has you around for the heck of it. This relationship has no hope as long you as you keep giving in and he threatens to go elsewhere. I say let him be and find your happiness elsewhere before you lose your mind. Once again don't think you are going to change him by letting him have what he wants. At this stage he basically controls your life, needs and wants. Unfortunately, he could careless what you desire. I hope you have the courage to end this garbage. Write back if need be but the fact is it's over ! Frosty
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